I just saw a hot homeless man
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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