She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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