Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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