If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
True strength comes from lack of pants
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