sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
