Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
