I hate your face
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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