I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
