Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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