Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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