ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
