Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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