Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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