Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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