Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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