How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
