I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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