I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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