But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
