Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
