Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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