Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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