guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
