Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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