fuck your aforementioned shoe
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
