come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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