the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
