She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
