what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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