sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
