Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
