dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
