Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
