So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
