I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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