my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
