My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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