So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
