Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
