some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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