I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
