she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
