ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
