Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize