I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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