Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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