bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
