I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
