Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
