Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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