I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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