I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
