it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
As shirtless as possible
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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