can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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