In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
