i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize