you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
