Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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