What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
