Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
