i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
