her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
