the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
