If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
