she woke up with a sticky ear
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
