Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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