I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
