Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
