Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
