these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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