I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
