my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
