mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
