how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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