Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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