My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
