dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize