you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
