my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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