P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I would fuck him just for his dog
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
