I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
