i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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