Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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