I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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