Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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