The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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