i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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