This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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