3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
