ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
