just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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