too bad you live with your parents still
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
