If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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