u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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