I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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