he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
