Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
