I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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