Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize