Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
