My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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